Thursday, August 7, 2014

A round of Cosmos and Minolos for All the Ladies

I've taken to following these fabulous ladies at Forever Twenty Something. I love reading their posts.  And this recent one about online dating really spoke to me.  Oh, the days of old.  Reminds me of the time I received a text message from a guy I had gone on one date with.  Turns out he was a neighbor in C-Town, and we had met for about an hour or so of casual conversation.  The end.  A few days later, he sent a text message asking if I wanted to give him oral.  Seriously?  The guy was in his late 30's, and I'm guessing he was really only looking to move some ass rather than get into a relationship.  When I told a friend, he said, "well, you never know unless you ask."

I remember this episode of Sex and the City fondly.  I felt just like Charlotte.
Dating was all at once a boat load of fun, an escape from boredom, and a complete nightmare.  A seesaw of hope and disappointment. It's probably the number one reason why I will never get divorced--I'm kidding--I adore my husband.  Laugh, please, it really was a joke.

Before I met my husband (and likely after I watched this episode), I convinced myself that I was completely happy being alone.  I don't mean to imply that it was some make-believe story I was trying to sell to myself.  I really did like my life.  I traveled a bunch, had a great group of friends, went on plenty of dates, which turned into great fodder for story telling.  Years flew by, and I turned 34.  Still single, I was certain that I would never have children, and I was ok with that--even though many people felt sorry for me.

As much as I wished to find a partner with whom I could share my life, there was something really empowering about growing up on my own.  Over the past seven years I have spent with my husband, I have grown in ways I never would have imagined, but I wouldn't trade the years before 34 for anything in the world, especially since I had Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda to make me feel good about myself.  I've been fortunate in that at every stage of growing up, I've really loved my life, and that balance has helped me to have no illusions of grandeur about being single or married.  Both require a lot of work in order to be happy.

When I was young and had a more self-indulgent perspective on life, love, travel, and fashion, I spent hundreds of dollars on designer jeans and adorable dresses.  Now that I'm a working mom, I don't shop as much, and I treasure the times that I get to toss on the Hudsons and a cute top and head out for dinner and that one drink (because I have to turn around and drive home to the burbs).

One Sex and the City episode that has really stayed with me is "A Woman's Right to Shoes".  When it originally aired, I wanted to punch that bitch Kyra in the face.  I revisited it in preparing to write this blog and wondered if my perspective had changed.  Nope.  I still think she sucks, for the exact reason Miranda points out--she is a bitch for making Carrie feel bad.
What I loved about the show, aside from Carrie's poignant narration and the jaw-dropping lines of Samantha Jones, was the celebration of women.  Of friendship.  Of being single.  Of longing for love.  Of heartbreak.  Of being ok.  Each of the characters was a symbol of all that we should honor about ourselves as women.  Single or married, women have value, and we all flow in the directions of the rivers of our own lives.  Whether you are in your 20's and loving the early years of adulthood or still single in your 40's, or married with babies, or widowed, you are where you are supposed to be, so celebrate your life.  Call up a girlfriend and go get a cosmo.  Indulge on an item that makes you feel gorgeous because you are.  And you don't need a White Knight to tell you that.  Save yourself, and don't let nobody shoe shame you.  But more importantly, don't you dare going shoe shaming anyone else!

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